No, I Didn't Get It On Video

Just where do you think my husband got the bright idea to do something like this? From watching America's Funniest Videos...



Yeah, that's wax in his orifices. No, I didn't get it on video.

Creepshow

Today we took a day trip to beautiful Lake Anna. Of course, the pictures I have show the not-so-beautiful side...

Note the green goo mixed with people's trash floating in front of our boys. Have any of you seen Creepshow? (there is some bad language here)

I Know, We're Immature and Gross

OK, does anyone else bust out laughing when they read the title to this little book? Or are we (Bryan & I) the only ones who still have our immature, juvenile sense of humor?

Things that Came Out Of the Mouth of a Wrenn

Some blogs I read post things like "Things I May or May Not Have Said". Since I am a mom of three and married to the family clown, you'd think I have a lot of these things to repeat for you to laugh at. However, because I am a working mom of three--I can't remember ANYTHING. So here's a few things I have actually noted and remembered in the last few months to make up a measly list of my own:

• We finally have all our children and animals circumsized, spayed and neutered.
• (Referring to a convertible speeding through traffic with something moving in the backseat): What is that? Falcor in the back?
• There's too many vaginas in here.
• My s#!t's gonna smell like toothpaste after this.
• Look at that big, sweaty ass-crack on TV. In HD.
• I'm gonna tell you a funny story about having a penis.
• I don't want anything off the menu that includes the word "steamers".
• Starbucks' new ad campain includes the word "BOOYAH"--this is the beginning of the end!
• I love the smell of my pee.
• Ah, all the mornings that Rick Astley has made magical.
• How many eggs does a chicken have inside at any one time? If I ran up and kicked a chicken, how many eggs would I crush?
• I wonder how many boogers there are out there? I bet there is a much higher booger density right here (at a major stoplight, as he flicks a booger out the window.)

Oops--Spoke Too Soon

Seems the celebration started a little too soon. Our poor little Nick still has a sick bottom. With absolutely no other symptoms, even with the initial onset, we're at a loss on why it's taking so darn long to get rid of this little annoying problem.

A Celebration of Poop!

Today we are having a celebration of Nick's poop! All you other parents out there know exactly what I'm talking about. The end of a long bout with diarrhea--solid stool! Isn't it funny the things that excite you when you're a parent of young kids? I can't count how many times we stood around with other parents discussing the hot topic of our kids poop. Parents, don't pretend you don't know what I'm talking about...

Ew! Cameltoe!

Bryan's cameltoe.

What?--you thought I was talking about something else? What's wrong with you??

Zombie Finger

Some of you have asked me about my finger. Here I am, a week later, and here it is:

Much, much better. It does look like I will lose my fingernail after all, as the black spreads more and more each day to the top of my nail.

I still can’t bend the top joint. I work with it every day to get the mobility back (because it’s an incredible pain in the ass to have this finger out of commission)—it is still painful. But I have found one thing useful: it scares the hell out of Brandon. He is completely disturbed by the sight of it. So I chase him around the house with it. I know he’ll be talking about me to his therapist 15 years down the road…

Welcome to Our ool

Growing up, I used to go to Campfire camp near Sipapu, New Mexico. They had an indoor pool with this sign:

So while we were in the neighbor's pool this weekend, I was thinking of our rowdy little boys--wondering if the neighbors worried about them peeing in the pool. Lucky for me, the boys each decided to get out an announce they had to go to the bathroom. So instead of peeing in the neighbor's pool, they tracked wet feet and left a trail of water through the house to the bathroom. We may have some ornery little boys, but at least they don't pee in the pool!