Brandon's Epic Novel

Once upon a time, my sweet, funny baby boy Brandon would bring home innocent but hilarious books from his school library. Here is what he brought home this week instead:

What's even funnier is this guy's website--check out the text version of his life here. Even though I totally rolled by eyes when Brandon brought this book home, I secretly love him for it because I get to see through the eyes of a child again and snicker at things like this.

How to Tame Three Dragons

These are some of the coolest PJs I've ever seen--thank you Granny!!

We haven't seen the movie yet--I want to see it so bad that I'm tempted to take the kids without Bryan (due to his nutty work schedule.) It couldn't be any worse than dragging them all to Wal-Mart every week...at least they'll be entertained! And we'll probably spend as much money at the theater as we do in our weekly trip to Wal-Mart when it's all over with.

Oops--Spoke Too Soon

Seems the celebration started a little too soon. Our poor little Nick still has a sick bottom. With absolutely no other symptoms, even with the initial onset, we're at a loss on why it's taking so darn long to get rid of this little annoying problem.

O'Doyle Rules! and Quantum Mechanics

Bryan and I were leisurely sitting in our big jetted tub the other evening pondering the universe. Why are you surprised? I think a lot of people compare our family to the O'Doyles from Billy Madison...

Don't you ever sit around and talk to your significant other about the difference between a new moon and lunar eclipse, or the term "nuclear engineering" versus chemistry, physics, and quantum mechanics?

I'll let you ponder this yourself. We are still arguing about it.

A Celebration of Poop!

Today we are having a celebration of Nick's poop! All you other parents out there know exactly what I'm talking about. The end of a long bout with diarrhea--solid stool! Isn't it funny the things that excite you when you're a parent of young kids? I can't count how many times we stood around with other parents discussing the hot topic of our kids poop. Parents, don't pretend you don't know what I'm talking about...

Gaga for GaGa

Bryan is giving me the evil eye as I write this...

Remember, he and I don't always see eye to eye on music, especially when it comes to Lady GaGa. Here is our oldest son singing his favorite GaGa song--turn off the music at the bottom of my blog before viewing:

Free digital slideshow made with Smilebox

For the "real thing", click here (caution--not for the faint of heart, and watch out for bad language about halfway through and other wierdness. About that language--Brandon listens to the sanitized version):

Redneck Ghetto

Do you know what that is? A bullet hole. In the side of our house. And we don't have just one--we have two holes in that side of our house. So not only do we somehow live in the vortex of wanderers, but we also seem to live in a redneck ghetto. Our house is in an actual neighborhood--not alone in the middle of the woods. But we do live off Guinea Road and, according to Chesapeake Bay Woman, can mean trouble.

The holes in my house piss me off, but not nearly as much as thinking our kids could have been playing outside at the time those bullets hit our house. If I ever catch any hunters close to our house with their guns pulled, they won't have shots big enough to stop this mama bear...

My Guys Love Me Since I Quit Drinking

Oh, yes--this is a real statement made by one of those crusty old shipbuilders at work. I about fell out of my chair laughing. Few people surprise me, but this man absolutely amazes me. I try not to judge people until I get to know them, but this guy's reputation preceded actually meeting him and he kind of scared the hell outta me. Since then, I've learned that his bark is way worse than his bite (or maybe I've just been lucky and stayed on his good side.) That's not really the point here...


He was going on and on about how great life has been since he quit drinking. He doesn't come into work in the morning all spun up, he can relax more in the evening--it's been great for him. What he is referring to is caffeine. Cold turkey, he stopped his morning coffee and all-day soda habit (I know I've been away from Texas too long when I'm not calling all brands of soda "cokes".) I met him while he was still "addicted", but I can't really attest to his new attitude because I never witnessed his "bad side".

He firmly believes this will help him lose a few pounds and help him feel healthier in general. I know he's onto something because I stopped drinking "cokes" last summer due to the swealtering heat onboard the ship I was working--the only thing that quenched my thirst was water. I shed several pounds--I know some of it was due to the type of work I was doing, but I also believe it was because I stopped drinking sodas. And I drank Diet Dr Pepper--so it wasn't because of the sugar. Not sure if it was due to the caffeine, either--but whatever it was, it worked.


That's not to say I will give up caffeine completely--see below:


Sometimes I think my husband allows me to go to Starbucks more than once a day due to these effects...

Mmmmm...Beer

Beer. Just saying that word makes millions os people (male and female) start salivating. I am one of the very few who don't. And because of that, I almost wonder if I was adopted... My sister drinks like a fish. Even my Mom drinks beer. My Dad outgrew beer long ago and moved on to scotch. But he will still drink beer if there's no single-malt around. I'd rather drink my own pee.

Someone once told me that if I drank enough of it, I'd grow a taste for it. During my five years of undergrad college life I tried really, really hard to acquire a taste for it (because, hey--it's waaaay cheaper than a mixed drink)--and I still can't stand the stuff. Even the strawberry ales and weird fruity flavored beers. They all have that smell and that certain aftertaste. But that doesn't mean I don't like to partake in alcoholic beverages nearly on a daily basis (so that means I'm not adopted.) What made me think about this was a post by Audrey over at Barking Mad.

I haven't totally given up on beer--I want to like it. So maybe she's onto something with Blue Moon. I'm trying not to get my hopes up, but if a beer is paired with an orange slice--it's gotta be different!

Notice Something Funny?

Yes, that is our Christmas tree. Yes, I just took that picture today. Yes, I know it's March and a week away from Daylight Savings Time. I told you that I couldn't wait until Christmas, and I told you I think it's sad when people take down their trees before New Year's Eve. So, should we even bother taking it down at this point?

Avril Lavigne the Vampire

Since the world is currently having a love-affair with vampires and werewolves--I can't believe no one has noticed Avril Lavigne's fangs...I just saw her Proactive commercial and I couldn't stop looking at her teeth!

Of course, now that I decided to write about it here--which meant finding a picture to illustrate my point--I see that many, many people have noticed this. So much for coming up with an original observation!

Epicenter of Loony Town

According to Bryan, somehow we managed to move into the center of crazytown (no comments from the peanut gallery--we don't fit in that well!) We have a variety of seemingly insane homeless people around here--we don't know if there's a half-way house around here that attracts helps these people, or what. We have our own nicknames for them--and I know some of you will think we're going to hell for talking about these seemingly unfortunate people, but this is my blog and I can write whatever I want here (and I've been so friggin' busy lately that I haven't had time to come up with something worthwhile to talk about--so this is what you're stuck with.)

• Hitler: He's the guy who does the Hitler salute to every car going by. The scary thing is that he's always on foot, and we've seen him as far as 15 miles away.
  
  
• Geddy Lee: She looks like the lead singer from Bryan's most favorite band of all time, Rush. She used to keep her belongings under the old sign to an abandoned nursery up the highway. She would walk up and down that highway at all hours of the day. We haven't seen her in a long time.
  




• The Vietnam Killer: He is by far the scariest of them all. When he is off his medication, he jumps out of ditches pretending to gun down passing cars. He is way too close to our house for comfort.

We are not heartless people. We're just kind of overprotective of our kids.