Graduation Re-Cap #2--Heading into the Week

I left off Re-Cap #1 with "All I could think of was that two women would be sharing this tiny room & tiny bathroom for a week."

We immediately went back to the Front Desk, where we learned that yes, they know we requested 2 beds and yes, they knew I was sharing the room with another woman for a week and no, there were no bigger rooms in this hotel. Club Quarters is a hotel for business travelers, who usually are alone in the room for only 1 or 2 nights. I am used to business travel with the Ritz-Carlton. Soooo, we went back to the room so I could sulk and Bryan decided to check our bank accounts online while he waited for me to get over it. Hey--we only have $45 left in one of our checking accounts? WTF? Bryan had used the bank card for the room guarantee--and they put a hold on the full price of the room for the full week. Um, we were supposed to split the cost between 2 people? This left Bryan with no cash for the week. We decided not to talk to the non-helpful foreign guy at the front desk and wait for the shift change to sort it out.

My team-mate turned room-mate Ms. Hoffman showed up, along with one of our campus team-mates. The front desk swiped a card of hers as well, but she wasn't as concerned as we were about what the front desk was doing (she must take better care of her finances--really, she's just not nearly as high-strung as we are). I was happy to meet her for the first time in person ever--we were distance students, so all we knew were each other's voices from the endless phone calls and on-line chat sessions associated with classwork and lectures. And she is also a fellow blogger--primarily focusing on her family.

After giving presentations and participating in lengthy discussions all day at school Monday, the School of Business held a huge gala at the Library of Congress.



This was something stright out of a movie--it was huge, it was breath-taking, and it must have cost a fortune! No wonder my tuition was so friggin' high! There were tables of heavy hors d'oeuvres with huge flower arrangements, open bars, waiters carrying champagne everywhere, and a live band. I cannot tell you how cool that party was--and it was free. Like I said, tuition was steep. But OMG was it worth it, if only for this! I felt like royalty.

Graduation Re-cap #1--the Beginning of the Week

OK, since everyone is bugging me about how it went--I'll just cover everything in a few blog posts so I don't have to keep repeating myself and to make sure I don't forget anything. Yeah, I know it's already been almost a month since it happened--I really do avoid my computer now!

I'll start with the last few days at work before I departed for residency week at the main campus. First off, apparently someone heard me loudly ranting about that cool promotion I was going for, so they gave it to a MAN who has the same academic credentials as me, but also has some specific experience directly applicable to the new job. Was I disappointed?--yes. But I feel good knowing the guy who got it is well deserving of it. So, that was one less thing to worry about heading into my week of residency at George Washington University.

My mom, sister, and 1.5-year-old nephew arrived Saturday, and Bryan & I went to DC on Sunday. After wandering aimlessly around the White House, we went ahead and checked into my hotel. The school reserved the rooms for us, and since I was cheap and one of my female team-mates was also cheap, we decided to split the cost and room together. So, of course, we requested 2 beds. Well, the guy working the front desk was foreign and didn't speak great English (which I think he used to his advantage to be lazy--no offense foreign people, but this guy was not even trying to be helpful) and he just took whatever card Bryan put in front of him, swiped it, gave us nothing but a key and pointed at the elevator. Little did we know what trouble lie ahead. The room was the size of my boss's office--which is slightly bigger than my cubicle. In it were two twin beds. The bathroom was Japanese-size (for those of you who have had the pleasure of staying in a Japanese hotel, you know I'm talking about a tiny shower, a tiny sink, a toilet, and barely room to stand.) All I could think of was that two women would be sharing this tiny room & tiny bathroom for a week.

Blog Fart Friday

Blog Farts – noun. Def: Crappy ideas that are too short to make a real blog post, but when combined, join forces to make one unified, albeit half assed, post. Hosted by Jaci.

• All the schools here in the state are going through "SOLs", i.e. "Standards of Learning" tests. I think that's a hilarious acronym for state-wide standardized testing. If you don't pass, your school is SOL...ha ha!



• How the heck do you call the police without calling 911? What if I don't have a true emergency, but need a cop dispatched to bust some kids down the street smoking pot and looking for trouble? Or you feel the need to call the cops because your kids' chicken nuggets from McDonald's are cold?



• My boss' son & his family live a few miles down the road here in redneck-ville. They love to get together on the weekends with their guns and have a "cook-n-shoot". In my boss's words, "The food better be good!" Did I mention that I have 2 holes in the side of my house from rednecks shooting their .22s in the woods here?



• I was watching NBC's 30 Rock the other night, and heard the following: "We need an emergency marshall for fires, terrorist attacks, Cloverfield monsters..." Maybe it's because I haven't had much of a social life for the last few years, but I thought the reference to the Cloverfield monster was hilarious. Blogworthy? Probably not, but I put it here anyway.

Memorial Weekend

Yeah, we didn't have much planned for Memorial Weekend because Bryan was scheduled to work all 3 days. At the last minute, the company decided it wasn't worth paying him to sit around when everyone else was shutting down, so he stayed home "on call". With no big plans, he decided it was time to fix the kids' swingset/playhouse. The green cover on the "house" part was ripped from several storms, so here it is after he fixed it (I didn't take any "before" pics):


I supervised my consuming massive amounts of "beer" (Mike's Hard Lemonade & other bottled alcoholic concoctions). The weather was great--mid-80's and mostly sunny. Here we are at the neighbor's house having fun (pause the music at the bottom of my blog):

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Hope everyone else had a decent weekend!

I Love my Employees

I don't think I'm a normal boss. First of all, I only have two direct reports. And we are more of a team, with me as the team leader, rather than a boss over two employees. Anyhow, last week was the first week back at work after officially getting my master of science degree in project management (MSPM for short). While it is different from an MBA, here is the theme that ran in the newspaper this week, and therefore, ended up taped all over my desk each day from my team: (I just realized my blog is not wide enough to display the full strip--click on each strip below to visit the site to see the end of them--sorry for the technical difficulty and my lazy fix!)











I love my employees--at least we can have fun, joke around and poke each other without hurt feelings! And special thanks to our friend Scott for supplying the link to Dilbert.com

The Chicken Dance

Pause the music at the bottom of my blog, and listen closely to hear the song in the video. This is Tyler's version of the chicken dance. In his underwear. It's at the hotel in DC.

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No More Monkeys Jumping on the Bed!

Here's some video from the hotel in DC. You'll need to pause the music at the bottom of my blog before viewing. And yes, it looks like a bomb went off in this room...kinda like the kids' rooms at home!

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Quotes from Graduation Weekend

Yeah, I'll get around to posting a bunch of stuff about my residency week and graduation when I get around to it (still decompressing from school, which involves avoiding the computer at home like the plague). To tide you over, here's some real quotes from my family while in DC for graduation--they may not be funny to some of you who weren't there, but they're good memories for us:

"Nothing like a good rain to wash out the bums" --Bryan, as it pours down rain

Tyler: "What's that noise?!" (as we ride the escalator out of the subway station)
Bryan: "IT'S THE ESCALATOR MONSTER!!"

Tyler: "How'd he get outside?" (as PaPa makes faces at the boys from outside the hotel window)
Bryan: "He crawled through the toilet and it dumped him outside!"

"I am Nick, Galactic Overlord of All Non-Sleeping Babies in the Universe!" --Bryan, as Nick watches his fussy, overtired baby cousin

Nothing Much to Talk About

I'm back from residency week and graduation, and let me tell you, it's really hard to open up this computer right now. I think I became a Facebook junkie and blog stalker while trying to avoid school work. Now that I have none, I can't even turn on my brain to find something creative to write about. I could re-cap the week in DC, but I just don't feel like finding the best pictures to post (there are a lot)--and I don't feel like talking about school tonight. SO, just wanted to let everyone know that I am back, the stupid scheduled posts are finished, and maybe I'll catch up with this later.

Red Hots

You'll probably need to turn off the music at the bottom of my blog.

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Blog Fart Friday

Blog Farts – noun. Def: Crappy ideas that are too short to make a real blog post, but when combined, join forces to make one unified, albeit half assed, post. Hosted by Jaci.

So last Saturday I was parusing through the headlines on the internet and came across something about the Post Office raising stamps by 2 cents starting Monday (as in 5 days ago Monday.) Gee, thanks for the warning--I could have gone and stocked up on Forever stamps on Friday. How convenient to let the country know about this the weekend immediately before this happens, when all the post offices are closed (around here, anyway). Really, why am I complaining? I never use the friggin' post office anymore...I just felt the need to complain about something.

My sister came into town last weekend with her 1.5-year-old in tow. Her hubby is the captain of a commercial oil tanker, so he's gone a lot. Her 1.5-year-old is just learning to talk. I'm trying to teach him to say "Are you my Daddy?" to every man he sees. (Oh Come On! It's Funny!)

Here's one from my husband: What do you think cavemen thought when they saw a rainbow? It must have been so magical--they probably worshipped it. Yes, he has a thing about cavemen. He relates to them rather well--came up with one of my very first blog farts.

Andre's Job

This one cracked me up. Oh, and sorry I'm just ripping off other people's jokes and not scheduling any "real" writing, but I am a little busy and besides, everyone can use some laughs.

Animal Diaries

Here's another funny post I scheduled while away. It reminds me of Auds from Barking Mad--she's got a house full of cats, and she really cracks me up:

Excerps from a Dog's Diary:

8:00 am - Dog Food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 pm - Lunch! My favorite thing!
1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing!
7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 pm - Watched TV with the people! My favortie thing!
11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!
---------------------------------------------------------
Excerpts from a Cat's Diary:

Day 983 of my captivity...

My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I maky my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.

Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. however, they merely made condescending comments about what a little hunder I am. Bastards.

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of 'allergies'. I must learn what this means and how to use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow--but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded. The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicating with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now...

Apples and Wine

Since I will be gone for several days wrapping up my graduate degree, I have scheduled a few posts for everyone's enjoyment--mostly jokes and some videos of the kids. If I do happen to have time while away to do some writing, I'll break in and update everyone on how it's going.

And with that, this is the first scheduled post, something I received from my sister a while back:

But wait--there's more to it:
Now men...men are like a fine wine. They begin as grapes, and it's up to women to stomp the shit out of them until they turn into something accemptable to have dinner with.

Blog Fart Friday

Ok, I'l be very busy from now until 8 days from now, so why not go out with a fart or two?

Blog Farts – noun. Def: Crappy ideas that are too short to make a real blog post, but when combined, join forces to make one unified, albeit half assed, post. Hosted by Jaci.

• I am a self-professed coffee snob. Espresso machines and McDonald's don't belong in the same sentence, let alone a greasy teenager trying to work the knobs. Sorry, I'll stick with my much more expensive, luxurious, snotty Starbucks beverages. And you can bet I'll be visiting every Starbucks in range of George Washington University for the next week.
• Now that the media keeps repeating over and over that swine flu isn't nearly as terrible as orginally thought, why is it still on the front page of the newspaper and first topic on the Nightly News?
• My 2.5-year-old does great with potty training at daycare, but the minute he gets home, he just lets loose...kind of like my first grader who behaves for his teacher all day and then gets in massive trouble for crazily unwinding when he gets home.
• Speaking of poop, why does my 2.5-year-old always poop right after I've put a new pull-up on him? Or right after a bath?
• I made a big trip to Costco today to pile up on the kids' juice boxes and stuff. And inevitably, one juice box always busts between the time I grab the box until the time I unload it at home. Making the rest of them sticky. Do you have any idea what a pain in the butt it is to clean off 60 sticky juice boxes?

What To Do, What To Do...?

I really should be doing my last final exam, but since it’s not due for another 5 days I can afford to goof off a little. Except…I don’t remember what I used to do when I had spare time? I feel…guilty?! Shouldn’t I be cleaning, folding clothes, taking a shower, doing something constructive on the computer??? What did I used to do when I had spare time? I CAN’T REMEMBER!!!!!

Sooooo, I guess I should review my 2009 New Year’s Resolutions—just to see what I signed up to for the rest of the year? Wellll, I guess it's about time that I started the weekly meal plan thing for real. I saw a great post about this through my high-school friend Allison's blog, and it's right up my alley because it's all about making lists. And Brandon could really use some family game nights so he can learn how to lose without making every excuse in the book or making dumb rules to make sure he wins. Or I could stay here on the couch, surfing Facebook and stalking blogs...

I Don't Have to Do That--I Have a Master's Degree!

My husband met my employees and I at a fast food joint for lunch today, and amongst the poking and prodding on funny husband-wife things (I was the only wife there—the rest were “hen-pecked” husbands. Hen-pecked in their own minds…) my ornery almost-retiree employee asked my husband when he was going to get his master’s degree. And this is what ensued:

Almost-Retiree: “You know, now that your wife has this degree the balance of power is thrown off. Pretty soon you’re going to start hearing ‘I don’t do laundry—I have a Master’s Degree.’”

Mid-forties guy: “Yeah, I don’t clean the house—I have a Master’s Degree.”

Almost-Retiree: “What? I don’t clean dishes—I have a Master’s Degree!”

Mid-forties guy: “Oh, and I don't have to wash the car—I have a Master’s Degree!”

Husband: "And I don't have to change the oil—I have a Master’s Degree!”

And so forth. Veeerrry funny. I’ll be laughing all the way to the bank when those little words on my resume make me rich & famous.

You May Be Taliban If...

You refine heroin for a living, but you have a moral objection to beer.

You own a $3,000 machine gun and $5,000 rocket launcher, but you can't afford shoes.

You have more wives than teeth.

You wipe your butt with your bare hand, but consider bacon "unclean."

You think vests come in two styles: bullet-proof and suicide.

You can't think of anyone you haven't declared Jihad against.

You consider television dangerous, but routinely carry explosives in your clothing.

You were amazed to discover that cell phones have uses other than setting off roadside bombs.

You have nothing against women and think every man should own at least one.

You've always had a crush on your neighbor's goat.

Sorry guys--I just couldn't help myself here. You can thank a close friend of ours, a former Navy SEAL, for these little tidbits of Taliban knowledge.

First Time on Skates

You'll probably need to go to the bottom of my blog to turn off the music before you view this video of Brandon at his friend's birthday party a few weekends ago. Oh, and I was sore from head to toe for more than 3 days just from holding him up for the rest of our time on the ice. Starting to feel my age!

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Ultimate Butt-Kissing

I graduate in 2 weeks from grad school. It's been an extremely tough, drawn-out experience. Not only for me, but for my husband, family, co-workers, and my boss. My boss and my husband were the two most supportive people during these painful last few semesters (no kidding!) When I went to order my graduation announcements, the package came with a single personalized certificate of appreciation for me to give to whoever I needed to truly thank for supporting me. My first thought was my husband, but he would have thought the thing was cheesy--so I put my boss's name on the order form. Not thinking about the teasing and ribbing I'd get from my employees and co-workers. And husband. (who I think is actually jealous that I didn't award it to him instead!)

Here is what it says:
"Be it known that [Jennifer's Boss], during the course of my study, through personal sacrifice, selflessness, and without material reward, bestowed the support and understanding without which my graduation would not have been possible. This certificate is hereby conferred to honor and recognize the confidence, devotion, guidance and assistance freely given in helping me obtain this important milestone in my life. The George Washington University. Presented by Jennifer Wrenn."

So, any of you out there who want to acheive the highly-controversial, highly-coveted level of Ultimate Butt-Kissing, just go make one of these certificates up and present it to your boss while all of your co-workers look on. I have not actually presented it to my boss yet--he's been on business travel and I won't see him until after I return from DC. But I have been given a sneak-peek into what it will be like with my co-workers watching, because my dear husband is already poking me about it.