Some More Stuff from the Mouth of a Wrenn

Since I made the last list, I have been more actively writing these things down as they are said. Which drives everyone crazy.

• This is not a "responsible coffee"--it's inferior. I'm pretty sure diamond mines are "responsible"--and cheaper by the pound than this stuff. I expect blood shed for my coffee.


• I think some people's eyes don't work. When they look in the mirror, it's like a clown-house mirror. They look at it and say "DAMN--that looks GOOD!"


• "Isn't it good luck if you get pooped on by a bird?" "That's what people say when they get pooped on."


• Leave her alone! You wouldn't like it if people were slashing their light sabres at you while you were trying to poop!


• I think the devil just licked my brain.


• "How'd they fit all those guys into that little car?" "It's because they don't have penises."


• It looks like someone cut apart their vacuum cleaner to build that crappy dual exhaust.


• Since Donald Trump lives at the top of a skyscraper, when he flushes the toilet does he have the fastest turds ever?


• I had a conversation with you in my head, but forgot to include you in it.


• Why is it called "corn hole" and everyone has one around here?


• I'm going to be in a school play and I get to play an instrument on the stage--it's called Marack Obamas (maracas).
  
  

Luke, I Am Your Father

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Playing With Fire

We let our boys play with fire tonight--it was just way too nice of an evening not to have homemade smores!

Oh yes--they tasted as good as they looked!

Creepy Crawlers Part II

So I just posted about the boys wanting to bring their creepy, crawly friends into the house to sleep with at night (OK MOM--I'm paying for my raising now!)--Imagine stumbling into your little boy's room early in the morning to see this (look hard):


I almost peed in my pants. Jen over at Buried With Children has a similar story.

Crossroads

Time for a hormonal rant and some wallowing in my own sorrows.

I have been stuck at a crossroads ever since I earned my master's degree last May. I am torn between work and family life. I used to be career-driven--I loved my job and loved my company. I got thrills and pleasure from the challenges of work. Now work is not fun anymore--I find myself longing to be home doing projects with the kids. I don't feel that I am contributing to anything at work--and that is not a fulfilling feeling at all. My kids are growing up so fast--life is passing me by. I want to stop and smell the flowers. Go out and make memories with my husband & kids. Stop bringing home my computer to suck the life from me at night.

This transition over the past year has been hard. I went from flying high at a job I loved, to tumble down into being just another worker-bee in the crowd. Bryan says I was spoiled--I refuse to believe that there aren't a lot of jobs out there that are fulfilling. I am just not focused on that part of my life anymore. I want to focus on our kids, and make a life for them that they can fondly remember when they get older. I want to take them on weekend trips to see the wonders of the east coast...and beyond. Camping. Snow skiing. Body surfing.

I feel like I'll be disappointing my mentors at work, my husband, and my family if I don't continue to fight my way up the food chain. I need to do what makes me happy or I'll be miserable and bring everyone around me down with me. I just don't see a clear path to choose right now...and I'm getting impatient.

Creepy Crawlers

The dollar store is a magical place for little kids (and their moms!) Look at what they scored this time with their bribe for behaving at Wal-Mart.


These things have entertained them for hours on end outside--and I now have less bugs and spiders to worry about! The only problem is that they wanted to bring their new nasty "friends" inside to sleep with them at night--!!



About those spiders...we DO have black widows around the house and the kids know to stay far away from those. I still couldn't help but be a little wigged out when they caught some other spiders to add to their collection--what if one of those creepy things managed to bite them?? I'd have to catch the damn thing just in case the bite caused a sever reaction! I HATE SPIDERS!!!

But it wasn't a spider that got the first bite--it was an ordinary black ground beetle. Got Tyler right on the finger. I didn't even know those things had teeth (or pincers, or whatever they are called on beetles)--I picked one up with the tweezers and found out right there that they do, in fact, have very rigid, sharp little jaws!

How I Lost Tyler

This is how I lost Tyler at his brother's soccer game.

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Oh, to be a kid again!

Belated Birthday Post

We have been terrible about birthdays this year. We actually jipped the boys out of full-blown birthday parties this year because Bryan & I were both working so many strange hours at work. We took them to the Great Wolf Lodge for a weekend to make up for it, though.

Here is Brandon blowing out candles on his cake:

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And here is what he did with some of his birthday money--the sound really doesn't do it justice.

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Yeah--thank you so much Granny--he'll be sure to bring it with him next time he visits!

I've Been Cheating

This is very difficult for me to admit to the general public, but it's something that I need to say before I get caught and it gets blown out of proportion.

I have been cheating. On Starbucks. Something I never thought would happen. It started off innocently enough--just playful banter, but then I was seduced by the sweet smell, and after one sip--I was hooked. The new coffee of my affection?


Dunkin' Donuts French Vanilla. Thank you, Sheila from work, for hooking me up. Now I can't stop drinking coffee all morning and I have to take sleep aids at night to go to sleep...just to dream about the next morning when I'll be reunited with my new coffee love.


Phew! I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders.

I Know, We're Immature and Gross

OK, does anyone else bust out laughing when they read the title to this little book? Or are we (Bryan & I) the only ones who still have our immature, juvenile sense of humor?

I Have To Do What? SEW?!

I was informed by Tyler a few days ago that he is going to be in a play at school. He will be singing on stage. And he wil be a monkey. And he will wear a costume. And Mommy has to make his costume.

*SCREECH*--what?

Mommy has to make him a monkey costume. Being the lazy macaroni-&-cheese-supper mom that I am, you can bet I don't know how to operate a sewing machine. So I opted the lazy way out--and looked online for a monkey costume. There's tons of them out there!--if you are a 6 month old. Or if you want to be a giant scary gorilla.

Fortunately, I found a simple way online to make a homemade costume using a sweatsuit and some felt. I can sew okay with just a needle and thread. I bet my Mom is laughing about this right now. I'll post pictures of my masterpiece when I'm finished.

Oh, and where would I find brown sweatpants and a brown hoodie this time of year??

Things that Came Out Of the Mouth of a Wrenn

Some blogs I read post things like "Things I May or May Not Have Said". Since I am a mom of three and married to the family clown, you'd think I have a lot of these things to repeat for you to laugh at. However, because I am a working mom of three--I can't remember ANYTHING. So here's a few things I have actually noted and remembered in the last few months to make up a measly list of my own:

• We finally have all our children and animals circumsized, spayed and neutered.
• (Referring to a convertible speeding through traffic with something moving in the backseat): What is that? Falcor in the back?
• There's too many vaginas in here.
• My s#!t's gonna smell like toothpaste after this.
• Look at that big, sweaty ass-crack on TV. In HD.
• I'm gonna tell you a funny story about having a penis.
• I don't want anything off the menu that includes the word "steamers".
• Starbucks' new ad campain includes the word "BOOYAH"--this is the beginning of the end!
• I love the smell of my pee.
• Ah, all the mornings that Rick Astley has made magical.
• How many eggs does a chicken have inside at any one time? If I ran up and kicked a chicken, how many eggs would I crush?
• I wonder how many boogers there are out there? I bet there is a much higher booger density right here (at a major stoplight, as he flicks a booger out the window.)

Lilo and Stitch

...That is what we should have names our littlest four-legged monsters. Wherever they go, a path of destruction is left behind. They destroyed my day lilies and azaleas (see that nub of a twig?--used to be a big, flowering bush.)

They continue to pull up the new sod around our new patio. And they have pawed the screen off the back door--when we actually found it, the door was hanging off the rail.

I raised a destructive rottweiler from a puppy--he didn't hold a candle to the two tazmanian devils we have now. They are lucky they are so darned cute (yes--Duke is sound asleep here.)

Alas!--the patio. Voila!

Now when we have our handful of friends over, we can actually mingle on dry land vice muddy grass!

Notice this project is the standard 99.9% complete--Bryan has yet to cut the pavers to fit the odd spaces...and it will probably stay that way for MONTHS. Not that I really care--I'm darned happy to have a nice place to cook & eat outside now. It just wouldn't be right not to nag my husband a little bit--even though he did a fantastic job. (with my supervision)

I'm Ba-ack!

OK, in the last few weeks we have:

1. Been in a "minor" wreck and found out the insurance company of the driver at fault doesn't want to cover it--thank God we have a "real" insurance company that is going to play hardball for us.


2. Gotten our new furballs spayed and neutered a few weeks early due to the non-stop humping around the house (both of them were guilty).


3. Attended two trophy ceremonies to wrap up the end of soccer season for our two oldest boys.


4. Partied with all varieties of people while watching the Kentucky Derby--complete with drunk rednecks, hayrides and a trebuchet.


5. Built a 350-square foot patio & walkway with our bare hands and help from no one else.


6. Turned my now wrecked luxury SUV into a pickup truck for hauling gravel, sand, pavers and sod to build aforementioned patio.

So, am I forgiven for being absent? Yes, yes...pictures of patio coming soon...