Time for a hormonal rant and some wallowing in my own sorrows.
I have been stuck at a crossroads ever since I earned my master's degree last May. I am torn between work and family life. I used to be career-driven--I loved my job and loved my company. I got thrills and pleasure from the challenges of work. Now work is not fun anymore--I find myself longing to be home doing projects with the kids. I don't feel that I am contributing to anything at work--and that is not a fulfilling feeling at all. My kids are growing up so fast--life is passing me by. I want to stop and smell the flowers. Go out and make memories with my husband & kids. Stop bringing home my computer to suck the life from me at night.
This transition over the past year has been hard. I went from flying high at a job I loved, to tumble down into being just another worker-bee in the crowd. Bryan says I was spoiled--I refuse to believe that there aren't a lot of jobs out there that are fulfilling. I am just not focused on that part of my life anymore. I want to focus on our kids, and make a life for them that they can fondly remember when they get older. I want to take them on weekend trips to see the wonders of the east coast...and beyond. Camping. Snow skiing. Body surfing.
I feel like I'll be disappointing my mentors at work, my husband, and my family if I don't continue to fight my way up the food chain. I need to do what makes me happy or I'll be miserable and bring everyone around me down with me. I just don't see a clear path to choose right now...and I'm getting impatient.
1 comment:
Sounds like you have some tough decisions to make. I don't envy you and I don't know if I can be much help but I'll offer you what I can. First off, I think you are right there are a lot of jobs out there that are fulfilling, they are just tough to find and even tougher now in this economy. Secondly, I grew up in a home where my parents worked all the time, and weren't around most of the time...it sucks. I always felt like work was more important than I was. Maybe there is something you can do now that won't require as much of your time, and when the boys get older you can start up that food chain again.
Who would you rather be dissapointed in you? Your co-workers, or your kids?
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